Saturday, 20 May 2017

Fantasy versus Reality (AO Post)

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Howdy and salutations, my name is A.B. Thomas. Sometimes I write what some call erotica, while others call it smut; really it doesn’t matter to me what a person calls it because it’s just writing out fantasy anyway.  Sometimes I write the first person because I’m a visual writer – I see it in my head, and that’s how it comes out in written form.  As a result of this, on occasion, women, who I suspect have had nipped into the wine coolers just a wee bit too much before reading the stories, have a tendency to confuse the writing with the man.  To clear this up, I thought I should provide what I imagine would be a realistic encounter:
I am sitting at the bar, and you walk in; our eyes lock. You’re horny, and I fit the bill of the kind of man that will fit your needs…plus the fact that it’s only ten in the morning and I’m the only one there who doesn’t have their teeth sitting beside them while they're sipping their draft through a straw. You sit down, and we chat, and you soon realize that I’m perfect for a sexual encounter as you’ve ascertained that I could not possibly find you again if you left me on the corner afterward.
We sidle out of the bar hand in hand, and you whisper in my ear admitting that you have read my stories and you want to act them out. I nod and smile and say we have to make a stop at the supermarket to get some supplies. You’re embarrassed to be seen with me, so you wait outside while I go in and grab them. I come out twenty minutes later with two large bags. You ask why and I tell you seductively, “it was $1.49 day, baby, it was $1.49 day.”
We get to a motel and get a room. We go into the room, and I set the bags by the door, and you give me a quick kiss and say:
You: Ok baby let’s get undressed and fu… (you step back and look down)….what’s wrong with the front of your pants? Did you just…Oh, come on!
Me: Wanna play ‘Old Maid” for twenty minutes?
You: You had better be a good lay like you are in your writing…
Me: Ever heard the saying those you can’t, teach…yeah, well erotica’s sometimes like that too…
We play a might nice round of old maid, all the while you are commenting on that it’s ironic to be playing a game that is named after what you’ll be once you actually get me out of my pants.
You: Ding ding! Twenty minutes, get undressed and let’s get busy….uh, why are you looking at me like that?
Me: it hasn’t been twenty minutes
You: It has too been twenty minutes, look it says...
Me: (I give a soft and hearty laugh) that’s regular time – not man time, you silly goose!
You: What the hell are you talking about – man time?
Me: Ever been to a hockey game?
You: Yes...
Me: Then you know that each period is twenty minutes long, right?
You: Yes...
Me: Does a period ever take twenty minutes?
You: (you rub your temples ever so slowly) No, it always seems to take about an hour…
Me: (I shrug) Man time………..
We sit back down and start playing war, you get a little violent with the cards with each passing moment. Another forty minutes pass, and your heart quickens...
You: (To motivate me properly you undress – quickly) Alright, twenty minutes are up now, let’s f…just give me all you’ve got, baby! (The look of lust fades from your face to one of slight irritation) What are you doing?
Me: (Emptying my pockets) Well, I’ve got a couple of pens, here’s my money clip, some change, Hey! I was wondering where my beef jerky went!
(I pop it into my mouth and start chewing noisily while I undress, falling as I get my foot stuck)
You: We’re here to fuck, no questions, no promises
Me: Really?
You: Yes…for the love of God why didn’t I pack duct tape? Yes, really!
Me: You’re sure?
You: Listen, I promise that I’m not going to….
Me: But you just said that there were no promises so…
You: how could you have ever been a gutter slut? There can’t be that many women who could deal with this shit…
Me: You’re still here…
You: You’re like a scab…you know you shouldn’t touch it, but somehow your finger starts just scratching around the edges...
(I finish undressing)
Ok, let’s see it… (A look of horror flashes across your face)
Oh my God! Is that foreskin?
Me: Well, yes…
You: Oh, I don’t know about this….you never said anything in your stories about...
Me: What’s the big deal, anyway? If you think about it, your lips should be called the foreskin of the tongue.
You: I may never kiss again
Me: And besides, look, now you see it…now you don’t…now you see it…now you don’t…now you see it..uh oh…
Me: Uh sorry about that…good thing I brought Season one of ‘Pinky and the Brain’ along…
We watch several episodes sitting naked on the bed when you look at me.
Me: What?
You: This isn’t what I was expecting…
Me: Kinda special, ain’t it?
You: Well, something in the room is certainly special…
Me: ( I lean real close and lift up my arm) It’s me…I stuck a pickled egg under my arm to give me that ‘eat me’ smell…
You: God damn it, why didn’t I just buy the damn batteries? Ok, ok, I can do this….listen, you little shit, I want to do it just like the damn story
(I get up and go to the bags from the supermarket)
uh why are you pulling out a hot plate, a frying pan and a pound of bacon?
Me: Well, when you sent me into the store to get some lube, I was looking at the price. Then I saw there was a special on bacon and I was feeling a little hungry so I thought I could kill two birds with one stone…why are you looking at me like that and putting your clothes back on? bacon grease is natural. Sure, it might be a little scalding at first, but I figure since you said you wanted it hot and heavy and that the cholesterol would definitely make it heavy…where you going?
(Door slams)
I guess I should have gone with all beef sausages...
A.B. Thomas can be found  @ 


Who are we? The Love Weavers are a bunch of writers. We all write for Extasy Books and/or Devine Destinies and a lot of us write in other places as well. We write in multiple genres for general and adult readership. Many of our books are love stories of some kind or another, and we enjoy looking at love in all its wonderful variety. 
The purpose of this blog is to tell our readers something about our craft, our passion for stories, how we build our worlds, what characters we choose and why, how we use clothing, food, music, weather, colour, themes, symbolism, history, science, and (okay) love to bring these stories to life.

Some of our posts are suitable for general readers. 
These will have a big G at the top.  (G)
Some are in between.
These may have a big PG13 at the top. (PG13)
Some of our posts are suitable for adults only.
These will have a big AO at the top. (AO)
Welcome to The Love Weavers' blog. We can't wait to share the love.